The beginning of everything

After nearly 10 years of working, I decided to resign. I am only 34 years old this year. You might think that I married a millionaire hehe. What made me come to such a decision? Well, few reasons. I was a lecturer in a reputable university. Of course, I took a scholarship with the university and end up being tied into a contract with them. No complaint here! I really enjoyed working as a lecturer. 

To nurture the young minds, to teach them at the age as early as 18 the court procedure and giving them a glimpse of the legal profession was really fun. I really enjoyed doing that. But after a while, I find that I am not going anywhere, mentally, spiritually and yeah physically too. After I graduated, I straight away joined the teaching profession, did not even do my pupillage and I regret this until today. 

I also did not work elsewhere before being a lecturer and there are so many times I find myself 'handicapped' while giving lectures as it is difficult for me to relate real life situations in the legal world to the students. I have zero experience. All I got is from textbooks or other reading materials which I think the students can read them themselves. 

Thank God I am blessed with good oratory skills (errr evidenced from the thank you cards the students gave me over the years, not based on personal assessment) I have to thank my father for that, he is a powerful speaker and I got it from him. I guess it is hereditary since my younger sister also chose to follow this path. 

I envy my husband, who is also a lecturer and apparently had more than 10 jobs before joining this profession. Obviously he has the experience! He can relate any subjects with what he had encountered while he was working.

Other than that, I had started my PhD on a part time basis, also with a reputable university. I dreamed of going to this university since it is a research university and is very high in rank compared to other public universities in Malaysia. You have no idea how many solat hajat I had performed asking and begging from Allah the almighty for me to be accepted into this university. 

I know my grades are not that good and I am not smart as compared to my siblings but one thing I learned after going through a testy life experience, you can actually survive anything if you have the determination and perseverance. 

Since I am working full time, I could not give my full attention and dedication towards my research. This actually bothers me a lot because obviously you need 120% attention in doing your thesis. Thus, another reason to quit my full time job. You might wonder why I did not apply for a scholarship from my university. I seriously cannot afford having two scholarship contracts since my masters was also funded by the university. 

Another reason, which is also top of the list, the push factor was I could not bear with the travelling anymore. The distance between home and office is 1 hour of driving. Can you imagine the costs involved? Fuel, tol, not to mention the junk food I used to buy at Petronas just to keep me awake while driving? The simplest way to settle this problem is of course to move nearer to the place I work. 

But my husband had also started his PhD in a university in KL and he has to meet his supervisor quite frequently. It is just not fair for me to ask him to move with me and we are also against the 'weekend husband and wife' policy. No offense to all weekend husbands and wives out there. This is just what we think is best for our marriage. We have to stick together through thick and thin. 

To tell the truth, my salary was on the average side, so whenever I am faced with cash flow problems I will just swipe my credit card. 14 months of travelling, I was shocked to see my credit card statements. It has reached .......... i can't even mention it here because I am afraid that you might suffer a massive chronic heart attack hihi. 

I really had a tough time wondering how come I spend a lot on my credit card and I could not remember going on shopping spree, online or offline. The travelling alone is very tiring so every weekend is for me to remedy my deprived sleep. When I scanned my statement, I was frustated that 90percent of it went to fuel. My husband told me to be realistic and he prepared a budget list using excel where he listed down my salary and all my expenses. 

True enough, my balance after deducting all the monthly expenses is lower than is negative!!!!

Thus, after discussing this with Mr H, we decided this is the best for us now. I do not know what my future holds. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. Just pray hard and let Allah show us the path. Amin.

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