Passion and dream

I watched this video from Facebook and I was really taken aback. She reminds me of me. I did the same thing too. One day, I just told Mr H, I can't be doing this anymore. I had enough! My friends were stunned, of course! Some said I tried to play victim. The analogy to answer that is, a diamond can shine anywhere. If you are good, then why worry of being at a different place? It is not the place that determines who you are. It is you. And the concept of faith is different from one another because our test in life, is different. 

You just have to watch this video! It is like me talking. 

Read here for her story!

I admit I left my job without a plan. I was really, really unhappy. After I resigned, I received a lot of offers to teach part time from various colleges around Klang Valley. I actually get more than what I used to make while working full time. There is also no issue of being transferred or forced to do something that you are not happy with. I just go to my classes and teach. And after that, I will go back home. No admin work, no extra hours, no working on weekends! 

The last day I punched out.

I know that the drawback from all this is the fact that I can not be holding any post, like being a Professor someday. I can't even signed any forms for my students when they ask me to, because I no longer have a designation to display. 

But then again, I asked myself many, many times. Is that what I want in life? To be a Professor, but unhappy, following orders even though I have different views. I am pursuing my PhD now not because of wanting to hold a powerful post in any organization. It is more for personal satisfaction. 

The same goes to completing my chambering. At last! I know I will not be able to compete with my students. Oh my, I gasp for breath for every steps I had to take at the court, hahaha. Why do they have to build so many steps??? My students had already reached the 1st Floor and I was still downstairs, staring at the stairs. Should I or shouldn't I take the stairs? Hahaha. Being called to the Bar was a dream and I did it for my personal satisfaction.

A full time job does not secure you to be free from strings of debt. I had been working full time for more than 10 years and I am still heavily in debt. In fact, I only started to be careful with my finance after I resigned. That was the turning point for me to really take things seriously and aim to be debt-free before I turn 40. Not even the car loan, nope! I do not want to owe anybody a single cent! InsyaAllah.

What I rejoice at everyday, is the feeling that nobody can dictate me anymore. There is no risk of being transferred. And if I don't feel that it is right, I can just say it out loud. Nobody can put me in fear by using the "T" word anymore.

After I resigned, I did not know what to do at first except teaching part time in few colleges. Then somehow I started to write. I had shared in few posts before this about me suddenly leaping into writing. So far I had written Submitting to Allah, Candle in the wind and Law of Contract Made Simple for Laymen. And more are coming, InsyaAllah.

My books, so far.

It wasn't planned. But then I received good feedbacks from the readers. And that made me want to write more. You see, Allah works in mysterious ways. Who knows I can actually write. It is funny to think that I learned to discover my talent at this age, hahaha. But it is a gift from Allah. Which I accept with an open heart.

Me with my books.

I do not think that writing is a dream, for me, because I had never dreamed of being a writer. A passion? I had just found out that I could write. I am still learning. It is just something that came along after I decided to make a major reconstruction of my life. I thank Allah for that.

Many people had been asking me, "What will I do after I complete my PhD? Will I go back to teaching full time?" Actually, I had just received an offer for a position of a full time lecturer at a private university, with a salary twice of what I used to get from my previous job. I turned it down. Am I crazy? Yeah, if that's what you call someone who is trying to live her dream. I did not dream to be a writer before, but I am a writer now. So my dream can start now right? And it will eventually turn into a passion, InsyaAllah. 

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