Depression... Is not the end

Alhamdulillah, since I'd written about my own experience dealing with chronic depression in my previous entry here, I'd received a lot of emails, private/direct messages on social medias, and whatsapps, including the comment left on my previous entry. I am sure that many more are having the same infirmity but are too afraid to come out from the dark. Majority of those suffering from this ailment are introverts and like to keep their feelings to themselves. Don't worry, I am among the majority, hehe. Well, it's ok. If you ever need to talk to someone, you know how to find me.😙

I was surprised that some of the messages I received are from men. It is a solid proof that even men, whom we thought are not sensitive to their surroundings, have difficulties too in dealing with their feelings. 

Regardless of our gender, background, history and the reason that put us through this path of depression, we MUST have one common goal to set in mind. And that is to persevere, endure and try as hard as we could to be a better person. We cannot stay at the same locus forever. 

I used to assume that, having chronic depression was the destiny I had to embrace for life but then I started to think, do I know the exact date on when I will die? I don't. What if the Almighty blessed me with such a long life, maybe I'll get to live until I'm 64, like the Prophet PBUH. And how old I am now? 

I surely don't want to be in the state of chronic depression until the end of my life. Chronic depression puts you in negative mood most of the time and by doing that, it pushes away all the positive energy that is coming your way.

Most of the answers I get from those who sent me the messages, when asked, 

"What are your feelings now?" are 

"I feel useless, worthless, a burden to everybody and for these reasons I might as well end my life." 

Please, don't ever say that. You have to remember, Allah placed you here, in this world. He created the best, humans, even though the angels in heaven were sceptical at first. If you feel that you are a useless creature, boy... you are definitely WRONG! 

He will never ever create something useless. Everything is created for a good reason, for a purpose. Even the rats and cockroaches that live in our kitchen that we hate so much. They are created to support the ecosystem. 

You may feel that you have no purpose at all to live, for now, but maybe, just maybe, He wants you to find the purpose, yourself. Life is a journey, isn't it. Maybe at this moment in your life you feel so helpless, but who knows later on you can be the reason why someone succeeded or changed his/her life for the better. There... isn't that a good reason to persevere?

I started to have this chronic depression almost the same time I started teaching. Like many of you, I felt the same. Useless, not good enough, I should end my life because it seemed that there was no place for me on earth. Really. 

Later on, as I was trying hard to fight the battle of depression, I soon realized that I enjoy teaching so much and I care about my students performances in their studies. I started to call them to my office if they are lacking and motivated them to push harder. 

I received a lot of thank you notes after that, some with very beautiful words that lifted my spirit to live. Allah had given me the reason to stay put. I am still needed in this world. Well, maybe my contribution is not that much but I do contribute something to someone's life. Suffering from chronic depression is really, really not the end of the world.. my world particularly.

The depression I had, inspired me to write Submitting to Allah and Candle in the Wind as guidance to others. Another one of the many reasons He created me. To tell the world that it's ok to be left behind. All of us have our own battles to deal with. Maybe not everyone has to fight chronic depression. I am sure that those who are not tested with this, have their own battles to fight. 

Look at the bright side, at least we are not sick physically. How do we compare this blessing with people dying in the hospitals because of cancer or many other fatal illness? In a way, don't you think now is the perfect time to say Alhamdulillah for this oh-so-small test and try as best as we can to overcome it. We can change for the better, and we will, in shaa Allah!


  1. Allah is always with us. After all everything that have happened and will happen are part of the tests we all must go through.

    1. Yes, thank you for coming into my life and guided me through my depression. Love u b.