Depression... A Survivor?

I like to think that I am a survivor of depression. I had been having suicidal thoughts since 2007 and I am still breathing, hadn't I? So that makes me a survivor. 

However, like many others who are suffering or suffered from depression, I sometimes feel that I am constantly pull to the depression dark side, again and again. Well, you can laugh at it and maybe pass judgment to me as an attention seeker. Thank your lucky star that you are not tested by having depression. Your path is different than mine. Maybe your test in this world is to have an ugly face 😁

Ok, on a serious note, the way I perceive things is different from others, who are not having depression. You think there is nothing wrong if the mail was late, but to me, while fighting depression, the thought of receiving the mail late would break me down in tears. 

Like I had written earlier in my previous post on how I fought depression, I think I had passed that phase and depression no longer becomes the centre of attraction in my life.

Yet, it always rear its ugly head, just waiting eagerly for me to succumb to it. Even a small test that Allah gives me would make me stay in bed for days, not wanting to face people. 

For that, I treasure the presence of Mr H in my life. I know it is difficult for him to understand me but he has always try to make things better for me whenever I am nearing depression. Sometimes an ice cream would soothe me but it really is the comforting hug of Mr H that makes me want to fight the big D so badly. I owe it to him to be a better person and I know I am better than this (someone who is always depressed).

I took the challenge to not rely on medications to fight my depression. I love my life and my body for that matter. I know that my body will react negatively sooner or later, towards the drugs prescribed for depression. Since I had came out from the cave, declaring myself as someone who had fought depression, people look at me and said, "No, you can't be fighting depression. You look fine. You must have had just normal stress." Boy, if only they know...

I am proud that I took matters in my own hand and fought depression my way. But you have to know that it did not go away completely and I am still constantly in battle with it. 

I am more matured now and I can identify the signs I have, if ever I am pulled into depression again. So usually, I will try to evade the feelings by doing things that I like to do... like buying more stationeries, hahaha. Anything that makes me happy and not think about the issue that is bothering me.

I hate depression and I hate what it had done to my brain, my body and my inner thoughts. But I believe that I am strong enough to overcome this. So if you too, are suffering from depression, I know you can overcome it, albeit slowly. If you are someone who had battled depression before, then we are soul sisters 😊

If you are serious about fighting the big D, then educate yourself for a start. Take baby steps if you may, you will get there someday. I promise.

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