Every Journey Has Its Ends

If memory serves me right, this is the first time ever I am discussing about a part of my life that I had always treated as a taboo. Before this, I would be depressed for weeks whenever someone brought this issue in front of me. However, as I look back at these episodes, I decided to open the door to this fragment of my life because I believe that some of you can relate and may also benefit from it too. 

I still do not talk about this issue openly but many years had passed and I have started coming out of my shell, albeit slowly. Now, whenever I think about it, I will pass a wide smile in triumph because above all that had happened, I had ended it with a grand full stop. 

After I graduated with a Bachelor Degree, I was offered a place to pursue my Masters by my alma matter. The scholarship was to study abroad and I was so happy and excited at the same time. Mostly because I was and still am, not the brightest child in the family and thus an opportunity like this was something not to be missed. 

I was ready for the experience to be a postgraduate student and I think I did well for the first semester. Little did I know that fate soon took its turn from bad to worse and I found myself dumbfounded on a land where I have no family nor close friends. 

I decided to leave everything behind and came back home. The promise was that I still need to submit few assignments to my Professors in order to graduate. I did not. In fact not until few years later. The depression that I had was eating me slowly and took away all of my inner strength. You can click here to read about my experiences with depression and here about how dealt with it.

In the meantime, I had reported duty at my workplace and continue to work without the expected qualifications from my sponsorship. The personal problems that I went through had destroyed all of my self-confidence. I felt left behind when I was among my colleagues and also felt undermined in so many ways. 

I knew for a fact that I was smart enough to be in that position and hold that office. However, my incomplete postgraduate studies was a hindrance to my other performances. One day I asked myself, until when do I need to be in this situation? I have to beat this once and for all. If getting my Masters Degree was not meant to be, then I would not be put in that situation (enrolling in the course) in the first place. 

So I started to focus on completing all my assignments and send them to my Professors. I was lucky enough that the university still accepts me as their student. When the results were finally released, I got High Distinction, Distinction and Merit for all the three subjects left. 

It took me years to complete my Masters. It was more than perseverance to begin with. It was faith that brought me to the end of the journey. So I am sharing now the values that I had hold on to while I was drowning will all the worldly problems and yet was so determined to complete my studies. I had met others, before and after my completed journey of getting my Masters, who were/are ready to quit as well. Personal problems took over their lives and dictate their actions. It is hoped that my experience will shed some light to them because I too, took a very, very long route to graduate. 

1. Find your inner strength or whatever is left of it. 

I took a week to self-reflect. I started to write down my feelings and talk to myself in front of the mirror. There were many hindrances in life but I had always managed to overcome them. I believe that I am strong enough to finish what I had started. I may not be a bright student but I am definitely not a fool either. 

2. Stay focus. 

Once I had a heart to heart talk with myself and was convinced to end this journey, I stayed focus and disregard anything negative that tried to come in the way. Putting on hold everything else for a while including my social life was among the sacrifices that I had done at that point of time. Trust me, it would all be worth it in the end. 

3. Just do it. 

The best thing to do under this circumstances is to just do it without much deliberations. Overthinking can lead to second thoughts and sometimes will stop you in doing what you had really wanted. Do it for you, for yourself. 

4. Ignore the journey, concentrate only on the end. 

If you start to count the time you have to spend on finishing off the tasks, there will be a good chance you will feel demotivated. That actually happened to me too. So to distract myself from focusing on the time I had spent, I actually wrote my name with the anticipated qualifications next to it, many, many times all over my notebooks.

5. Imagine yourself on the stage – graduation! 

Study shows that visualizations can actually help you in achieving your goals. When I was too overwhelmed with the assignments, I would close my eyes and imagine myself walking on the stage receiving my scroll. And it finally happened a few months later! 

We are all tested in different ways in life. Your story might not be the same as mine but we surely do have the same goals. To live this life with no regret. It is hoped that this writing will motivate you to finish the race if you find yourself in the same situation as I was. Focus on the end result, and the journey will be the sweetest thing that you had ever endured in life.

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