Depression... Is Not For Laugh

1. A girl laughed when the teacher wrote a wrong answer on the board. But never expected him to do this next.

2. One day, a school teacher wrote on the board the following:

9 x 1 = 7
9 x 2 = 18
9 x 3 = 27
9 x 4 = 36
9 x 5 = 45

3. When he was done, he looked at the students and they were all laughing at him, because of the first equation which was wrong.

4. And the teacher said, "I wrote that first one wrong on purpose, because I wanted you to learn something important. This was for you to know how the world out there will treat you. You can see that I wrote RIGHT 4 times but none of you congratulated me for it, you all laughed and criticized me because of one wrong thing I did."

5. So this is the lesson... The world will never appreciate the good you do a million times, but will criticize the one wrong thing you do... But, do not get discouraged, Always rise above all the laughter and criticism.

6. Stay strong!

Math, Blackboard, Education, Classroom

The narrative above might be seen as petty for you. You will be angry at the person who laughs. But to those who are going through depression, this laugh is similar to revolver bullets. This laugh kills! 

The least people can do when you see someone going through depression is to listen. Do not ignore. Especially if that person has been diagnosed by a professional psychiatrist. Calling her an attention seeker is obviously not the kind of help that she needs. I am using the word she and her here because I am writing from experience. You can read about me dealing with my depression here.

I was diagnosed with MDD and was under medication for quite some time. One of this tablets were given to my auntie instead of me directly because I was also under suicide watch. The doctor was afraid that I might wallop all the tablets to end my life. And please, do not tell a person who is suicidal that her act is against the religion. You think we don't know that already? Just thank your lucky star that you are not the one chosen to go through this kind of test. Like what Allah has promised, "You will only be tested with what you can bear." Well, Allah knows the people who condemned us are weak, so you guys were not tested with depression.

Desperate, Sad, Depressed, Feet, Hands

I remember I was warded because the psychiatrist wanted to evaluate my sleeping pattern. Of course I didn't know what's the relevance here, hahaha. I just checked in into the hospital according to what she instructed. There were sessions with a counselor too. Both of them were so kind and approachable.  

The feeling of isolation and being alone are two major contributors to suicide. I had reached out for help... many times actually. But I was ignored. Messages went unreplied, calls went unanswered. Of course, I remember all these very clearly. Especially when I am better now and suddenly they became closer to me like nothing had happened before, hahaha. 

Yup, sad truth here. Nobody wants to be around a sick person. Be prepared to be alone, really alone. When I reached out for help, I was labelled as an attention seeker. And this was thrown around to everyone around me. How do you think I felt? When I was already suffering from MDD, and people treat me like I am a stray dog, not to be near to. 

Unhappy, Man, Mask, Sad, Face, Sitting

Years had passed and I can proudly say that I had overcome this MDD. All praises to Allah. A special thank to my husband, Mr H too... always so patient with me whenever I am having a relapse. He will be the first one to offer me a bucket of ice cream, hahaha. You can read about Depression... And the Other Half here. Having a supportive spouse is vital in facing depression. 

I know that depression is not going to go away completely. But I am happy that I am in control of my depression now. I can sense the signs earlier so that I would know how to manouvre if I am going through relapse. 

I actually got better by a twist of fate. Yes, not because of planned medication, but by chance. I noticed that the medications prescribed had slowed down my daily activities, so I stopped. I tried to get better on my own. Being depressed all the time is tiring. So one day, I thought... If Allah plan to take my life at the age of 60 (for example), do I have to live for another 30 years like this? Like a zombie? So I decided there and then to get better and improve myself.

Zombie, Forest, Rails, Gleise, Zombie

I will share with you guys later the small steps I took to fight depression. I know some of you are looking for ways to reach out for help. The number of messages I received after I had started to open up about my depression in this blog is overwhelming. I really welcome if any of you want to have a chat about this. Drop me an email at ziedanazri@gmail.com

Sometimes, a stranger understands better!




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